Welcome

Hey you guys, welcome to the inner sanctum of my mind. Be careful as it can sometimes be depressing, scary, overly excited, happy, lovey (if that’s even a word). Just expect a roller coaster of emotions and I hope you enjoy my stories.

Love, Flan


Bliss

If ignorance is bliss

Then what about this
This love and these feelings
Now I’m jolted, mind reeling
 
Can it be true
How you want me too
What can’t we do
You loving me, loving you
 
Started with a glance
You had me in a trance
Life all’ve a sudden with meaning
Now finally worth living
 
Can it be true
How you want me too
What can’t we do
You loving me, loving you
 
Went through so much pain
Thought without any gain
Felt I never could trust
Led only by lust
 
Can it be true
How you want me too
What can’t we do
You loving me, loving you
 
It cant get better than this
This must be bliss

 


Upside down and backwards

Jack of all trades 

Lord of many faces
Everyone’s blindly following 
Not me, I’m lonely wandering
Nobody’s asking questions -
and if you do, merely misguided with distractions 
 
Another false flag underway,
Yet everyone’s looking away
Approaching an apocalypse
It’s an ice burg, but it’s only the tip
 
We’re fighting with all our might,
If you speak up, better hold on tight
Ears burning, here we are yearning
Wanna find that diamond in all this rough,
We gotta get through it, gotta act tough
 
What’s wrong with society?
Upside down and backwards,
Everyone’s talking about freedom of speech
Just as long as it’s pc, and use the right words
Here you reap what you sow and sow what you speak
 
Walked into this world, it’s like I’m from another planet, 
Most of the time I just don’t understand it. 
God forbid the damn notion
That we’re force-fed unwanted emotions 
 

 


Dance with delusion

You’ve got me tied up

In all those words

That I wanna hear

Prince of deception

How you’ve gotten my attention

King of confusion

I’ll dance with delusion

With you

I cannot resist

Got me thinking of you

Especially when you aren’t quite near

Counting down this endless list

So many things we are gonna do

I’m gonna open that door 

See what’s in store

Before it’s all over

Can’t you come over

But tonight it’s alright 

Just for tonight 

It is just fine 

You’ve got me so paranoid

Got me looking over my shoulder 

Ever so often

‘Cause you’re saying one thing

And then doing another

Always finding a new excuse

Just one more way for you to use me

You wonder why I am so unsure

My heart has become so black

Maybe one day I’ll find the cure

It’s just the promise that I lack

Let’s just say I’m not holding my breath

For I know, I’d sooner find my death 

I won’t put all of the blame on you

I know it’s all my fault too

I won’t put you on trial

I know you’re still in denial 

So in the end when we’ve come full circle

I’ll somehow disengage, all my inner rage 

My want for you is primal

No need for all those emotions

Don’t need your love, I don’t have the time

Ignore all the commotion

Why don’t you try

 

Try and come up with another lie?


Now I know what they mean when they say

Now I know what they mean

When they say “It feels like only yesterday”

Because no matter how many moons

That go passing by, it’s so easy to fall

Back into those old ways, ooh honey just like those old days.

 

Now I know what they mean

What they mean when they say “never say never”

Those words are like a curse that only works backwards, you can always count on it to be reversed.

Ooh honey don’t you ever, I mean never say never.

 

Oh honey, because as I sway with you, to this same old melody, oh it feels like only yesterday, we stood here in this tomb oh under the moon.

 

Digging our grave with every word, oh every kiss and embrace.

I told you that same night, I never no never wanted to speak to you again.

And how I never no never ever never ever wanted to see that face again.

 

Now I know what they mean 

What they mean when they say “Time heals everything” 

 

Oh honey but does that really mean everything?


Fixation

Once again alone in the first morning light,

You can say that it’s the life that I chose.

Perhaps the life I was given.

But have you ever stared at the one thing

you’ve wanted most in this life?

It could be fleeting or perhaps a permanent feeling, this being.

Call it a fixation, can’t shake this sensation. 

You have this power over me, strong enough it stops me in my tracks.

The heat of your soul looming, wrong as it is, I’ve gotta attack.

It doesn’t matter if I try to do right, I’ll just end up settling for a compromise.

This ain’t me, wait and see come and follow me.

You and I can only go nowhere but up from here.

Like a day dream, I keep going back. 

It’s the only place I can feel that.

I mean what I mean, it’s so tempting to attract. 

Just one look in his eye, I see that glistening, wish I could read your mind, thank god you can’t read mine. 

It may be unprofessional, but man you’re such a man -and damn. 

I’m only human.

Just give into the temptation, just for a second. 

Just take a little taste.

You might regret it later, but not in that moment. 

Never wanted anything more, but I guess I’ll have to compromise. 

I’ll just have to settle for this temporary bliss.

That daydream I keep having, every time you walk by me.

That forbidden kiss, I’ll settle for a glance.

One single embrace, I’ll take it in a conversation. Might end in an altercation, but I’ll take what I can get. 

With this ridiculous fixation. 

 

Hopefully fleeting sensation.

 

copyright 2018 ©️


Feel

Don’t be afraid to feel

Every emotion, just go with the flow

Like with the motion of the ocean it will ebb and flow.

 

Just feel, don’t be afraid to feel - me,

With my hand around your neck

I won’t close too tightly but also not lightly

 

I only believe in fantasies, only in my dreams 

I know this won’t last, I’ll be gone once we’re both relaxed but you can enjoy me while you have me and oh, honey - feel.

 

Don’t be afraid to feel

Every emotion, just go with the flow

Like with the motion of the ocean it will ebb and flow.

 

Go slow, slow down, and feel every bit

No need to rush it, honey

Take a breath, as my lips drag and hover,

Baby, all over - your body, it’s mine for the evening.

Feel- oh stop thinking and just feel - me.

 

Don’t be afraid to feel, yeah feel me

Feel every emotion, just go with the flow

Like with the motion of the ocean it ebbs and flows.

Don’t you know

 

I can tell by that devilish look in your eyes

I have you where I want you, now

I have you feeling just right

However, I’m not yours to keep, I’m gonna let you sleep.

Embrace this fantasy of feeling- just feel me.

 

 


Alone

So now You see why 

I never open up and I
Can never be vulnerable 
Please don’t watch me as I crumble 
 
Now you can understand 
Why I never leave the dry land 
Been left feeling underwhelmed 
In my heart and mind, unfulfilled 
 
Things that made me happier
Leave me feeling different than before
My smile quickly fades
As soon as you turn away
 
It’s all a facade
And when I look at my odds
I’m better off alone
I always was better off all on my own

 

2018


What are we doing?

They say we’re the generation 

Of instant gratification 
I’m tired of getting played
Played like a fucking violin 
 
Falling for a sexy loser
Who turns out to be a user
They keep getting what they want
After playing with my heart
 
They tell us we all have it so easy
But I think we’re all just teasing 
Ourselves into believing 
We have it all when really
 
We’re all just tired and alone
At the end of the day no one has your soul
Like when you’re hugging me goodbye
You are an empty void of an outline
 
Just take this medication
You know you live in the best nation
Swallow that big pill darlin and maybe
Tomorrow he’ll think you’re beautiful, but baby 
 
You’ll still just be tired and alone
At the end of the day no one knows your soul
Like when he’s hugging you goodbye
It’s like hugging an empty void of an outline
 
Nothings in there, on the inside
Everything’s a distraction 
There’s a mask we’re hiding behind
We’re all just a diffraction 
 
We never can seem to get a good connection 
No matter how many times we logon
So we’ll settle for mere temporary satisfaction 
But once again, alone in the dawn
 
Copyright 2018 ©️

Running

He was running away from something. Running from what? You would ask. If you asked him, he would tell you his demons were trying to catch up with him. He didn’t need to be running anywhere, really. He was as stubborn as they come. Quiet and thoughtful he would ponder each decision carefully, most people took it for stupidity but he was smart. Cunning. However he believed he needed to be running. What happens when they catch you? These supposed demons? You’ll still be able to breathe. He’s fighting a fictitious battle in his mind when really he just needs to take a moment. Stop and breathe. If he just stopped and took a moment. Looked at the earth around him. Took in the world he’d created around him. There’s a whole life he had created. Sure, it’s dark and dirty. Clouds covering overhead. If only he just took a moment to clear his head. To be thankful for what he did have, what he accomplished. He would see clearly as the clouds begin to depart and the dust and grime washed away by the light trickling in. His soul could be wiped clean, a fresh and new beginning. If he could just open his eyes and smile. As if that smile were the key to unlocking his happiness, to banishing his demons forever. He could stop. Stop his running and take a deep breath of the sweetest fresh air he’d ever tasted. Would he? Could he stop and just merely be thankful? He was running from himself. From the monster he created in his mind. The anxiety and depression, made up in his mind. Fighting himself internally for eternity. The headache just gets worse and worse. The clouds get darker and darker. The nights colder and longer. If you don’t stop.

 

Copyright 2018 ©️


In the dark

When I’m lying there in the dark

All alone just me and my soul
Can’t hear anything yet, I hark
I never really feel alone
 
I’m always on my own
Walking alongside this shadow
Who’s become my companion 
Somehow I don’t feel abandoned
 
I hear the sounds in the silence
See the sane in the asylum
Feel the warmth in the night
See the blessing in the spite
I can see the colors in the darkness
Feel the love in the harshness
 
When I close my eyes I can see
All the entities - surrounding me
When I open my eyes everything 
Escapes from me
 
The veil has been drawn
Only in darkness do you beg for the light
Only when it’s gone
Do you beg for your sight
 
I hear the sounds in the silence
See the sane in the asylum
Feel the warmth in the night
See the blessing in the spite
I can see the colors in the darkness
Feel the love in the harshness
 
It’s a responsibility no one ever asked for
No one ever cared for
Sometimes a lie can be easier to swallow
Sometimes the truth is something we’d never allow
 
I hear the sounds in the silence
See the sane in the asylum
Feel the warmth in the night
See the blessing in the spite
I can see the colors in the darkness
Feel the love in this harshness
 
Copyright 2018 ©️

Electricity

Fluid as an ocean

Our bodies in motion, flowing into one
Between our bodies
Between our thighs
Mmmm
 
Your hand wrapped in my hair
As I gasp for air
We both know, we can’t make it stop 
So just hold on, sweetheart 
‘tIl we reach the top
 
So much is happening 
Shocking like electricity 
 Electricity oh, baby
Mmmm
 
We both know, we can’t make it stop 
So just hold on, sweetheart 
‘tIl we reach the top
 
Our hearts and minds 
Intertwined we coincide
Feeling the same
At the same time
 
So much is happening 
Shocking like electricity 
 Electricity oh, baby
Mmmm
 
We both know, we can’t make it stop 
So just hold on, sweetheart 
‘tIl we reach the top
 
Copyright 2018 ©️

 


So much more to live

Song

You say you wanna die young?

Well honey that ain’t no fun.
You’re just struggling to get by,
Now I’m telling you baby that just ain’t life.
 
So much more to live
So much more to feel*
So much more love to give
Now let’s go find something real to experience honey yeah ooh 
 
Walking around with a cloud overhead
Everyday is doomsday splashing in a puddle of your own tears
“It’s easier to give up” that’s what you said
 
Well life ain’t easy, everybody knows that
Keep your chin up, take a deep breath
Let me see that million dollar smile
You romanticize death, and all the while
We got-
 
So much more to live
So much more to feel*
So much more love to give
Now let’s go find something real to experience honey yeah ooh 
 
You keep on telling me
That only the good die young,
And that maybe, nobody ever said we were good.
 
Hear the words dripping off my tongue:
Baby, baby - You know we got 
We got
We got
 
So much more to live
So much more to feel*
So much more love to give
Now let’s go find something real to experience honey yeah ooh 
 
Copyright 2018 ©️

Living in a fantasy

Song

Living in a fantasy 

I’m through with reality 
Broke up with the clock
Couldn’t stand the life lock
 
I told her all about my dreams
The more I talk the more I sound crazy
Eating my words is becoming a theme
It happens, when real life gets hazy
 
I be living in a day dream
Swimming with all my fantasies 
In the prism of my mind
In this prison we call life
 
I stay living in a day dream
One with life and love and no more - pain
Floating on a cloud without contrition 
Only one condition
 
Reality sneaks in 
every other moment 
It’s like you take a deep breath in, 
about to let go and then you come back down, and it all comes back around
 
But I like to-
But I end up back where I started from
 
I be living in a day dream
Swimming with all my fantasies 
In the prism of my mind
In this prison we call life
 
I stay living in a day dream
One with life and love and no more - pain
Floating on a cloud without contrition 
Only one condition
 
Copyright 2018 ©️

Beautiful Slumber

I almost wish I never awoke. 

I wish that my view on the world was still hazy.
Don't awake from your slumber. 
Reality is more terrifying than those nightmares you've been having.
The truth may be hidden, but for good reason. Truth doesn't just hurt it can be petrifying. 
The lies are all that we can see, and it's a beautiful slumber
 
Copyright 2017 ©️

*Trust*

You and I, well, we could be so wonderful together

You and I, we could make each other happier if we were together
There’s only one issue, and if you ask me it’s a must
The problem is that I could never trust you honey
Now I see that you could never make me truly happy
Darling I say this with much regret, I could never trust you. 
Not with that smile those deceiving innocent eyes
         -They’re full of lies
You and I could be great together, truth is we’re actually so much alike
The problem is that I could never trust you
            You- 
I’ll never let my guard down with you
Never exposing my heart because it’s true 
I know you’re honesty is refreshing
But honestly I already know what’s on your mind 
I can see it in your eyes
As she walks by
It doesn’t matter to me
At least that’s what I tell myself
I’ll never let my guard down
I’ll never expose the true feelings of my heart
Never dealing with my heart all Because of you
 
Copyright 2018 ©️
 

Remember when

Remember when you kissed me

For the first time
That night beneath the stars
Not so glamorous, outside the restaurant 
 
I don’t know about you but I felt it
I really felt it
I don’t know about you but I felt it
Felt the explosion
Explosion 
 
Remember when you held my hand
You held it so lightly 
Until I latched on tightly 
And that look in your eyes 
That innocence, your eyes so innocent
 
I don’t know about you but I felt it
I really felt it
I don’t know about you but I felt it
Felt the explosion
Explosion 
Felt the explosion-
 
Remember when you held me
You held me so tight like you wouldn’t let go
Why did you let go?
Our souls just fit together 
Like a hand in a glove
Don’t tell me you didn’t feel it
Because I felt it
 
I don’t know about you but I felt it
I really felt it
I don’t know about you but I felt it
Felt the explosion
Explosion 
 
Remember when you told me you loved
You told me you loved me.
You said “It must be love.” I said 
“It must be.”
It must be.
 
Copyright 2018 ©️
 
 

Lost in the sky

Now I’m watching as the moon comes up

Alone in this wilderness that we call life
Surrounded by people’s voices 
They’re telling me that they’re here
You’re right here
And as I turn around it goes away
Fades away 
I speak and no one can hear what I say
You look at me but you can’t truly see me
You listen but you don’t hear
You listen but you don’t hear me
And as I turn around it fades away
Goes away
 
Now as I’m watching this sun rise 
Surrounded and somehow still alone again
Somehow
I’m telling you I’m here
I’m hearing you and trying to listen
And as you speak it fades away
It’s like you’re turning and walking away
I’m trying to hear, trying to hear you
Just hear me out, I want to be with you
I want to be near you
I want to be with you
Before this life just fades away
And we fade away
 
Staring at these blue skies
I’m dreaming of those bright eyes
It’s like I’m drifting on a cloud
Above the world looking down
I want to fix the things that are broken
Hear the voices that can’t be heard
See the faces that go unseen
Love the hearts that need loving
It’s like my soul is reaching for yours
 
As I look around the room at all the faces
It’s like all our faces are faded
Fuzzy and unfocused we can’t see 
Blurred vision and preconceived notions
Listen to the words we’re seeing
See the pain and feel the hurt
It’s like compassion only exists in our minds
 
 Copyright 2018 ©️